ten reasons how you know you are in biotech

10. your company parties like no other... to forget that they are really nerds and try to be "cool."

9. you understand what it means to "inoculate", "PCR", "normalize"....

8. you don't get business cards, a computer, a phone, a cubicle, etc. unless you are in the lab for at least 5 years.

7. the only other jobs that you can transfer to are... other biotech jobs.

6. your hands start to smell like either nitrile or latex outside of work.

5. you are immune to the smell of bacteria cultures - even when you spill some on your clothes or up your nose even.

4. you have insults like "well i'm going to drop some ethidium bromide on your food when you're not looking! HA HA HA HA HA!" or "Well... well... well... at least... at least i'm not doing 4 PCRs and 8 gels a day!!! HA!!!"

3. you think the coolest things are 96-well pipettes, hi-tech centrifuges, mini-prep robots, and of course... the electronic repeat pipettor (drooolll.....)....

2. you have no idea how 401Ks, bonds, markets, stocks, or the economy works.

1. whenever you see volumes, you know exactly how much it is... like... for say... a drop of water on the floor. "dude, that's like 85 microliters!!!"

this is the project i worked on for my company softball team - and sent it out to the entire company. what happens when i sent them the link? i get several e-mails saying the link doesn't work... good times... good times.

what a terrible day at work today. i successfully managed to start and end an entire project in one half a day. i even split this project up into two parts so i can do a better job - and messed up on both at different stages of the process. it wasn't even my first time doing this, as a matter of fact, they gave it to me because i was doing really well with it... so they decided to assign me some very important ones... and i messed it up big time. sucks.

this is not the first time i've been bought out by the opulent jason:

LostWaffle: atre you driving?
Bork15: you're driving both of us :-)
LostWaffle: nooooooooooo
Bork15: yes!
LostWaffle: I tires
LostWaffle: tired
Bork15: I'M TIRED
LostWaffle: I'll give you $2 for gas
Bork15: haha
LostWaffle: you drive
Bork15: hmmm...
Bork15: okay

oftentimes, i have expressed my wishful thinking of being able to write well. here's what one editor of a literary magazine wrote back to me after i wrote him a submission:

*******************************
Man, I just wrote a whole nice email and it was eaten by an unreliable
connection!

The short take is that you seem to be a man passionate about writing,
so stick to it. Your cover letter and your piece made me think of
this book I am reading, "the volcano sequence", by Alicia Suskin
Ostriker. She deals with biblical and marine themes (which you bring
up) like no one else; the stuff is fierce enough to give even Ted
Hughes a run for his money.

I can't use your work right now, but keep with it and stay in touch.

*******************************

here's my translation:
i can see you like to write. too bad you can't.

whenever jason and i go out somewhere, people have this tendency to think we are a gay couple. it's not that we act like a couple to each other, but it's because we happen to do things that seem like only couples would do. maybe it's because jason likes to do feminine things as well.

in any case, a few years ago back in pennsylvania, jason and i went to go eat at the macaroni grill after shopping at franklin mills. he ordered a salad with water, i had pasta and iced tea (clue #1). it's not the "gay" thing to do if you order salad or pasta with iced tea, but it is deifnitely not "masculine." as the stereotype goes, it was the "girly" thing to order the things we ate that nite. the second clue that tipped the waitress was when jason asked about the women's restroom. in the men's restroom, there was some weird quote or picture hanging inside so jason asked our waitress what it meant, commented how interesting it was, and asked if the women's restroom had one too. i guess you had to be there, but it seemed a little awkward to ask such questions especially with the way he phrased it. the third thing that probably confirmed the waitresses suspicions was when we fought over the check. it was quite ridiculous. we were squabbling over who would pay, and when the waitress came with our check, both of us were like "don't give it to him!" or "i'm the one who is paying!" or "jason! let me pay!!!" again, what couples would do. when we left the restaurant, the waitress told us "have a great weekend you two!!!" in the same voice when you tell people "aww... they look so cute together!." as we were walking out the door, jason remarked, "this is when i grab your ass."

needless to say, it was quite embarrassing. not to say being homosexual is embarrassing and trying very hard not to offend anyone since this is such a public place to post one's thoughts, but it was very embarrassing. it's even more embarrassing to admit that we've had not only one, but a few occassions where people thought we were a gay couple. yesterday was another situation that more than likely made people wonder... maybe even myself. maybe if you visualize it, it would be clearer.

INT, STONESTOWN MALL, EVENING

JASON and ANDY enter the mall. Jason is wearing business casual clothes, an off-white pair of dress pants with a beige polo short-sleeve shirt. Andy is wearing khaki shorts with a baby blue button down shirt, no socks, and loafers. The mall is crowded with people, mostly asian high schoolers who are just hanging around dressed either in all black or other trendy clothes.

JASON
Hmm... I think I'm craving some chocolate.

ANDY
Godiva is right there.

JASON
I don't have any cash on me right now.

ANDY
Dude, they take credit cards you know.

JASON
Do they?

ANDY
YES!

JASON
Okay then... Godiva it is.

Jason and Andy walk into Godiva Chocolates where they are immediately greeted by a SERVER, a young college aged female wearing a Godiva apron. The interior is decorated with expensive looking gold boxes with and give an ambience of aristocratic stature.

SERVER (smiling)
Hi, can I help you?

JASON (his voice goes up an octave, like it always does when he approaches strangers)
Yes, I wanted to get some assorted chocolates.

SERVER
Well, we have box sets around the store that you can look at or you can make your own box.

JASON
How much does it cost to create my own box?

SERVER
Well, prices range from how many pieces of chocolate you want. How much were you looking to spend today?

JASON
Um... around 10 dollars I guess.

SERVER
Okay, that will be around 8 pieces then. Is that okay? Okay... Now what would you like (Server shows Jason the display case)?

JASON
Um, fill it up with whatever you like. My only condition is that you include the chocolate dipped orange.

SERVER
Um..... okayyy.... do you like fruit?

JASON
Sure... just... fill it up with what you like.

SERVER
Okay... well... i like the fruit filled chocolates... do you like fruit?

JASON (throws up hands)
Yeah, I like fruit. Just whatever you like, I don't care.

SERVER
Oooh, you HAVE to try these chocolate clams.

JASON
Sure, okay. I'll get one of those.

The Server continues to fill up the box asking Jason with different types of fruit flavored chocolate.

ANDY (to himself)
Great. She probably thinks we're gay. Getting us all this fruit and clams - the aphrodesiac foods... the way we're both dressed in pastel colors... the way his voice is high... just great.

After a long while of asking what Jason likes or dislikes, the Server finally chooses the 8 chocolates.

SERVER
Would you like me to wrap this up for you?

JASON
No, that's okay. Just any box will do.

SERVER
Is this for you or for someone else.

JASON
It's for me... and us (pointing between Andy and himself).

ANDY (to himself)
Oh my gosh... now she for sure thinks we're a couple.

SERVER
Okay, so the total will be 14.83.

JASON
Why 14? I thought it was around 10.

SERVER
Well the chocolate dipped orange you wanted is 2.50 by itself and it's in it's own category, so I can't count that as part of your 8 choices.

JASON
Oh okay, that's fine. I'll charge it. By the way, you guys don't have any more chocolate covered strawberries, do you?

Andy has the urge to strangle Jason... but resists.

SERVER (convinced that they are gay, her voice changes to a more casual and comfortable tone)
No... we're sold out of those.

JASON
Yeah, they're really good. But they're really expensive!!!

SERVER
Yeah... they are. But OH MY GOSH, you guys HAVE to join our new Godiva club. You get to know when our really rare sales are, and like, even when they have sampling parties!!! It's like TOTALLY fun!

ANDY (to himself)
Okay... now she's treating us like we're a couple... she probably gets a bonus for signing people up... but still probably thinks we're a couple.

JASON
Sure, okay. Run the card through and in the meantime, I'll sign up.

SERVER
Okay, sure.

Jason signs the receipt, and gets the boxed chocolates in a large, bright, golden bag. The sort of bag you would find at a lingerie store. They walk out of the store.

SERVER (in the "aww they look so cute together" voice)
By you two!!!

INT, IN FRONT OF GODIVA STORE IN MALL, EVENING

ANDY
You know... she probably thinks we're gay.

JASON
I bet you she does.

Jason and Andy are cracking up. Jason has a loud unusual laugh and Andy has a high pitched laugh. They proceed to exit the mall, and the crowd see two guys wearing pastel colored clothes, one with a bright golden chocolate bag, giggling in a very odd way. Several people notice them - they stand out like a spaghetti stain on a white shirt.

JASON
Should I carry my bag up high like a purse and walk like this? (He starts to waddle)

ANDY
NO.

i hope my mom is not going to read this... but i need to see a doctor. i haven't had a regular exam or a dentist appointment in over a year, but iI have no idea who to go to. whenever i hear about people going to the doctor or going to the dentist, i always think to myself "wow... so responsible." ( eric doesn't count because he lives at home) it's not that i cannot afford it either, because i am covered with dental, vision, and medical through my company - it's just that i am irresponsible.
when i go to the doctor, i am going to ask him about my back pains, what the symptoms are for ADHD, and why there is a sharp pain in my heart area from time to time (which means i need to get my cholesterol checked... and i am so scared about that).
with the dentist, probably just a regular cleaning. i usually keep my teeth in pretty good shape, so not TOO worried about it.

also, i have been thinking about my future and i am pretty set on marketing or advertising ... for now. it's just that i am approaching this subject with a little more caution because the last time i made my mind concerning my life - being a doctor - well... we all know that didn't go to well.

not much to write because:

1) today was a really bad day at work. (failed pcr, screwed up on my gel, came in at 11 and walk in the door with all my stuff just as my boss is in the hallway, etc.)
2) i'm eating taco bell... pretty good considering it's the first time in a few years, and also for powder ground beef (just add water... ) and salsa that's called "border sauce".
3) a picture is already worth a thousand words... so here's a few thousand.



utlizing my work time efficiently.







dave's version

bowling nite with my company - they rented out the ENTIRE palo alto bowling alley for a few hours on a friday nite... insane.

http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/sleep.shtml

an interpretation of the movie "Top Gun." excuse the profanity, but it's tarantino for goodness sake.

comments are now included. this way, people don't have to physically talk to me through AOL instant messenger or an e-mail even if they want to comment on my thoughts. so basically, now you can tell me that i'm stupid without saying it to my face.

yesterday i visited the Serramonte Mall for the first time with jason and aileen (jason, whose idea of shopping is to visit EVERY store and not buy a single thing - sound familiar ladies?). in any case, serramonte mall, as my coworker would dub, is "the hang out for old philipino men." i can't speak on her behalf but it's definitely true. if you have ever been to stanford, you would know it's the hang out for "rich wives with newborns" - so serramonte mall is just like that, but just for philipino men (i feel like this could be an SAT analogy). they were sitting in every bench, at the food courts, walking around, even playing an electronic piano in front of the music store. i don't think i've ever been to a mall where i saw more mid-30's to 60's men in a mall than high schoolers, especially on a weekend. and with all that said, i had my first real experience with a pervert staring at aileen.

it was definitely a weird experience for me because guys stare at her ALL the time whenever we go somewhere, but nothing was like this one guy who stared at aileen. we were walking past these two philipino guys, mid 30's to lower 40's, who were walking in the same direction. one of them sees the reflection of us walking behind them in a store window and he slows down immediately after seeing aileen. he turns around and starts to stare. his eyes get bigger and his mouth opens a little bit. he is short, balding, and has a mustache - and looked a little unkempt. in any case, i look at this guy staring at aileen and start to feel a little uneasy because the way he's staring at her. i think at this point he is not even listening to his friend speak to him because he is TOTALLY into aileen. guys who stare at chicks on tv are nothing compared to this guy. we walk past and i just feel creeped out that he's probably staring at her backside. in my head, i'm thinking that i should probably stare back at the guy with a mean look - but of course i'm chicken and don't.
luckily for us, we're at the wrong end of the mall and have to turn around - which translates into second helpings for mr. heebie-jeebie. i tell myself to muster up courage and just stare him down this time if he does anything creepy. i say to myself, "if he talks smack, i'll talk smack. i'm bigger and taller, i could probably take him and his friend. maybe i should call jason and tell him to back me up." i was half-joking.
so as we make the second pass, he sees her immediately. his eyes widen, he starts to have this really weird smile, and this time - he just stares at aileen's chest. so i decide to do something about it, and i just stare at him hoping he would notice (and secretly hoping he wouldn't). of course, the world faded to black and he has no clue where he is or what his name is.
it never made me so disturbed to see a man so happy. so as we're walking past them, i tell aileen "did you see that guy drooling at you?"
"what guy?" she says. that's always her reply. i guess it's a good thing.
i turn around and point the guy to her, who is STILL staring at her.
"um... no.... was he?"
"okay nevermind..." i said and we continued on. i became paranoid later that he'd be following aileen around stalking her. it was that creepy.

so i know that guys look at aileen a lot - every time we go out - and i really don't mind. i think it's quite funny and we both get a kick out of it... but they're usually younger and asian, who suck in their breath or try to look tough by smoking their cigarettes. she even has a guy that stalks her in her class right this moment - a lambda frat boy at that. but do i feel threatened or protective? probably not. paranoid at times, yes. protective, not really.

but the guy from the mall... man... that was creepy.

when i was driving down 101 South this morning, i noticed a rather eerie pattern: every 15 seconds or so, i would see skid marks that went straight towards the center divider. the ironic thing is, i'm obviously not watching the road carefully when i'm staring down looking for places where people have crashed.

speaking of crashes, the stock market fell almost 400 points today, the same levels as they were 4 years ago. they say it was triggered by Johnson & Johnson admitting there was a federal probe on their documentation. the company whose product i used this very morning (johnson and johnson baby shampoo) caused thousands of people to lose faith in the market even more, and triggered a cascade of shares being sold off. johnson & johnson is now loosely associated with Enron, WorldCom, Arthur Anderson, and several other companies. with several major corporations in the close scrutiny of the government and with more and more corruption and scandals becoming uncovered, this only reminds me of one thing: Koreans.

in my previous entry, i wrote i would write more on my comebacks. note that this is a very vague generality.

so here's my schema:

1) male or female?
if female, proceed to 3)
if male, proceed to 2)

2) close enough to make fun of their mom or girlfriend or sister?
if yes, proceed to make fun of their mom.
if no, make fun of their sports team or other attributes in a non-personal way, or just laugh it off.

3) reply with: YOU _________ [insert whatever they just called you here, regardless of grammar].

(i actually made a whole diagram of this, but for some reason, it wouldn't let me save).

let's have some examples:

girl: geez andy, you always drag your feet like a donkey.
me: YOU drag your feet like a donkey!
girl: no i don't.
me: okay.

girl: andy! shut up!
me: YOU shut up!

girl: you're such a loser.
me: YOU loser!

close guy friend: fat boy.
me: but your mom(or girlfriend or sister) just told me last night she likes me that way.

not so close guy friend: dude, you're such a screw up.
me: thanks (or haha! or sarcastic laugh)

close guy friend: dude, you're such a screw up.
me: ********************************** (censored)

how weird... all those insults i made of myself are really insecurities i have of myself in real life...the subconscious has spoken.

first of many changes to come (talking about the title)... the voice you heard is aileen's. so sexy. jk.
(if your sound is turned off, then turn it on and blast it)

i had a conversation with my sister today that i was very tempted to post, but i was using AimExpress (which without, i would certainly be doomed to a boring death at work) so it wouldn't let me copy and paste our conversation. the content was me joking around trying to convince her to give me her iPod and Powerbook (the Apple laptop), and in return i'll give her my lesser-quality Powerbook...then it went to the topic of our computers which my dad had bought for me as an incentive to learn C++ - a promise i have kept. however, our conversation hit a brick wall when it went to the extent of this (this is not the verbatim conversation but close enough):

celene: how old are you?
me: how old are YOU? (a typical comeback by me... more on this later)
celene: you have an income
celene: yet you still have mom and dad paying for your stuff.
me: ouch. burned.
me: that's going to leave a mark. oh yeah... that's going to leave a mark.

i guess it was pretty much another "kodak" defining moment of our relationship. i'm trying to joke with her while she takes me as either a bratty younger brother or a prodigal son. i really don't know whether or not to feel humbled, rebuked, embarrassed, thankful, or just plain pissed off. even after a long while i still really don't know how to feel. it's not really surprising for her to make a comment like that... and i've definitely gotten used to it. if you think getting stabbed by a spoon is blunt, try talking to my sister.

i guess i'm not mad... just disturbed. disturbed by the reality of her comment or disturbed by the way she said it, i don't know.

espn.com runs a special called "Here's looking at you" where they match sports celebrites to faces that look similar to other celebrities. I wrote them a while back matching:

Mike Bibby with Mini-Me (danny chai's idea)
Scot Pollard with the Mark McGrath (lead singer of the crappy group Sugar Ray)
Robert Horry with Will Smith (everyone sees this one... too obvious)

this is what they published afterwards:

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/looking/archive9.html

what an awesome find!!! thanks me!!!!

http://www.noapologiespress.com/presents/asiandrink/
(MAKE SURE TO READ THE DRINKS, NOT THE COMIC!)

http://www.noapologiespress.com/

so ever since we had DSL, we also have 15 mb of free webspace. the URL is http://pages.sbcglobal.net/malemodelsinc/

the reason for malemodelsinc? it's a tribute to one of my favorite movies: Zoolander. there are so many quotables from that movie, it's basically become part of my vernacular. the problem with quoting that movie to other people is they either get it or don't get it - and when they don't get it, you sure sound stupid.


me: "haaaapyyyy... haaaaaaaaapy...... hhaaaaaaapy"
someone: "what?"

me: "the forbidden fruit must be tasted!!!!"
someone: "huh?"

me: "ONE LOOK?! ONE LOOK?!?!"
someone: "i'll see ya later."

me: "just a little pee-pee? c'mon... just a little bit?"
someone: "um... someone call security"

you can see how the situation might change if someone actually knew what i was talking about. i don't think i should give any examples because it just would be useless. if you haven't seen the movie, rent the DVD and don't forget to watch the outtakes - it's the best part.


woah, i just wandered off for about 20 minutes there doing other stuff... i completely forgot i was writing in my blog (read 7/15 entry).

so anyways (crap, my coworker just told me i left something in the centrifuge... crap...) i forgot what i was going to say.

crap. i have volleyball right now. i shall write more later.

it may seem like i'm trying to do many things at once, and maybe that is the case... but i really don't think so.

to quote mr. garrison from south park (on the topic of women):

"i don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."

awesome.

also, i find it very interesting that President Bush issued a statement that our economy is just doing fine in the midst of a huge decline (down 280 points i believe) and RIGHT after he says that, the Dow drops 420.

awesome.

in my perfunctory attempt to keep my blog going every single day, i feel like this is just all in vain.

in any case, there were two revelations that were brought to me this weekend:

1) i sneeze in pairs
2) i think i have ADHD.

1) i sneeze in twos
this observation was brought from the astute aileen. i sneezed once, she said nothing but was looking at me as if waiting for something, then i sneezed again.
"bless you" she said, "i always wait for the second one before i say it."
"huh?"
"you sneeze in twos."
"oh my goodness... i do, huh?"
(huh, was the word of the weekend for both of us. we were both slurring our speech and deaf at the same time. i think it came from watching Black Hawk Down... i guess that's what they say in the rangers. "huuuuuuh!")

in any case... i sneeze in twos. profound. amazingly profound.

2) i think i have ADHD
this is a symptom that only kids would mostly have, but adults can have too. i know people are always forgetful of things and have short-term memory loss (i.e. remembering names, words, etc), but i can't keep my attention running for probably more than a few seconds. whether i listen to my boss, do a chore, write in my blog, pray and listen to sermons, etc. i always forget what i am doing. for instance, ever since i started writing in this blog i have already visited 3 different websites, did some work, and just zoned out... and it took me awhile to remember that i was writing in a blog (crap, that reminds me that i left a freezer box open on my bench... i should go back and take care of that.... okay i'm back).
also other times, i feel like i can completely lose it if i really do not try my best to keep my energy inside of me. other times, i really can't control it and go through these freak-phases where it's to the point it scares people. often times, i feel like just talking gibberish
so i looked up the symptoms for ADHD on a website, and not surprinsingly enough, i think just about everyone i know would be diagnosed with ADHD.

a good guide can be found here: http://www.add-adhd.org/ADHD_attention-deficit.html

so the next time i visit my doctor, i am going to ask if i could have it. IF i ever find a doctor, that is.

i wonder what it's like to write when you are really pissed off. do words just come flying out more from you heart than your head? writing with emotion and writing with no emotion i think produces a very different, and maybe at times bizzare, twist on a person's life on the inside. right now - i am pissed.

i just spent the past 1/2 hour writing a very long thought about my dinner with grace and an old small group leader, and i think i was quite pleased with it. so after i was done writing my thoughts, i pressed the wrong button and i was taken to the blogger.com home page instead of pressing the "post & publish" button. i quickly pressed 'back' on the browser and everything vanished. one big white space. in a way, what the end of the world might look like if everything was destroyed... well... except for light. so now i am pissed. it was probably God's Will that what i wrote was never posted, but still... a;lkdfjaljadfjalfja;fl;kjfd;lkfja;lkfjal;dsfkja;lfdjalfjal;dkfja

the feeling of putting a lot of effort into one thing only to see it miserably fail is so common to me now, i'm surprised that i still get upset.

anyways, my current goal for my blog is to have the alacrity to write in this every day. as i stated before in my now defunct entry, it's very inspiring to read what other people write and for them to keep it up every day. i hope that i can one day achieve and sustain their quality of writing.

man i'm so pissed.

for a long time it has not been a long secret that i am poor living off scraps. my first extra-income attempt to tutor through an agency certainly has not been going well considering the fact that they have not matched me up with one single person yet, so i decided to take even more intiative and teach tennis.

so i am now a tennis coach. you can see my ad in craigslist.org if you really want to.

it is simply amazing with the response i got for people who are willing to learn tennis through someone who posted an ad through craigslist. i am not saying that i am short-ending them because i have been told on several occasions that i am a good tennis coach and i DO have prior experience - but it is definitely a weird feeling. i am already in my second week of teaching tennis and have 3 students so far. it has really been going well and i hope to continue to for a long time. i told my mom about it today and she started laughing. she did not think it was a bad idea since i have the tools, the knowledge, and the experience - but yeah, it's funny to her. i mean, it's funny to me too. i'm actually a tennis coach. i asked her if i should get certified as a professional instructor but she told me to just save money and forget abuot it. i agree - anyone can get certification, and it is rather expensive. all you have to do is pay a few HUNDRED dollars, attend workshops, and take an easy test. definitely not worth it. so we'll see how that goes.

for july 4th, it was quite the sober long weekend. did the usual barbeque and fireworks. you know, fireworks really don't interest me that much... so i was dreading a little about actually going to watch. i ended up going to the emeryville marina with steve, mei-jen, and aileen... and was pretty much a romantic double date. i mean, watching fireworks across the bay (san francisco, tiburon, richmond, and berkeley - not to mention all of the other illegal ones going off everywhere) is definitely a romantic thing to do, but i think after watching fireworks your entire life on tv, live, pictures, etc. the effect certainly wears off. i wasn't even that impressed with the fireworks at Washington DC for independence day. so in any case, i think fireworks are boring. so sue me.

so my sister started her first job today as a high school grad - working under a Princeton Professor doing bio research. my job right now: working in a biotech company doing bio research.
what she learned yesterday: how to prepare LB cultures. what i do every other day: prepare LB cultures. what she is learning today: PCR. what i am doing today: PCR. i don't know whether to feel pathetic or proud that she's so young and getting such a head start. true, i'm making a few folds of money more than her (meaning she's getting paid squat) but the level of our work is basically the same. i think this only drives me even more to get my masters degree and get out of labwork asap. i really don't know how to feel. stupid or proud. maybe a little of both.