i'm really sorry, but i have to do this:

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." -- 2 Corinthians 5:21

Good Friday... the day when we realize we are anything but good.

first, a moment of silence for our beloved Fabuloso! of Berkeley. may you rest in peace, and your competitor, La Burrita, King of all Burrito places, reign forever.


....



strange dreams are incessantly entering my head the past few days. on tuesday nite, i had a dream about Patty Hearst being abducted by the PLO... and Patty Hearst becoming a member of the PLO as well. i woke up at around 6 am that morning because i had to go poo... i'm not sure why because i don't think i really had to go that bad and really had no urge for it. on the toilet seat, i fell back asleep and started to continue my dream about Patty Hearst and the PLO.
for some reason, i muttered outloud "must do it... for... patty ... hearst......." and repeated this several times... as i was going #2. it was quite the strain because i guess i really didn't have to go. i assume that i was under the delusion that the life of patty hearst was dependent on me dropping off my kids. i succeeded and accomplished my mission -strenuously- went back to bed, and just slept some more. when i woke up the second time, and thought to myself... "what the heck did i just do?"

the next night, i had a dream where my coworker was being bulled by this random old guy in a suit. he was calling her fat and stupid (even though she is quite the opposite) and after he made her cry, went into his car. i was completely infuriated by this and ran after him into his car while her older brother comforted her (by the way, she does not have an older brother in real life). i jumped into the back seat, grabbed this man's head and put it into a headlock position from behind him. my right forearm was wrapped around his neck and my left hand was grabbing his balding head. i started screaming at him and threatening him and how pissed i was for making my friend cry. after a while, he started crying as well and agreed to apologize. i then got out of the car, opened his driver seat door, pulled off his brown dress shoes, and threw them as far as i could.
i then told him "first, apologize to her. then you can go get your shoes."
the caucasian male, assuming to be middle class by the suit and the mid-level car, then started off on his way to apologize. it was at this time i woke up out of bed startled. i can't believe i physically hurt another person.

reading through my past entries, i have some pretty weird dreams. maybe i'm a prophet.

it's weird, but the generation gap is really divided by instant messenger. people born from the 80's on always have a profile, and 99% of the people born before 1980 don't. people born after 1980 also have their own lingo (ROFL, "mah" instead of my, etc.), while others... just talk normally. i mean, there already is a way to be "cool" on the IM world already. the world is going to be less personalized the more we continue with text messaging. the next generation is "Generation I-M-(nobody)."

some other thing i hate is what pj and i call: "im ettiquette." it's when you receive greeting on instant message from someone - and that's all you ever hear from them. it's like the other person is in a contest to see how many "heys" or "hi's" they can reach in their buddy list.
for example:

them: hey

me: hey

(10 minutes later)

me: what are you doing?

(20 minutes later)

*user "them" has signed off.*

this used to happen to me every day in college. now, when it's the people with no "IM ettiquette", i just do this:

them: hey

(without even attempting to respond, i immediately close their window)

the funny thing is, the same two situations come out of it:

first situation:

them: hey!

(at this point, i would normally close their window. so i do.)

(10 minutes later)

them: hello?

me: sup

them: where have you been? i haven't talked to you in a long time!!!! how are you?

me: well, the reason why i don't talk to you in a long time is because you're really annoying to talk to since i feel like i'm talking to nobody whenever i respond to your asinine salutations, so i decided to ignore you from now on and simply close your window.

(then i hit the delete key and write this instead:)


me: okay. you?

(10 minutes pass by)

them: hey, i gtg, so i'll ttyl, okee?!

*user "them" has signed off*

the second situation:

them: hey!


(i close their window)

(45 minutes later)

them: fine. ignore me. i know you're there. sheesh. bye. :(

(i close their window again, and not long after, they sign off)

do i care? not really. do they care? not really.

the next point is the buddy list. i believe it's really pointless keeping people on your buddy list that you KNOW you'll never talk to. the younger people seem to like larger buddy lists, keeping theirs at the maxed out 180 or so... when they only talk to 5 or 6.
so speaking of buddy lists and keeping names, the SCREEN NAMES of the kids - especially asian girls - has become increasingly lame.
some typical names would be: CuTiEpIe or ***CuTeGrL*** or KrNCuTiE or XTCGIRL or something stupid like that. Korean girls like to use korean in their names, like KRNPrincess012 (012 phoenetically said in korean means forever, so... yeah...) or some derivative. it's just sad what has been going on these days with the younger kids.

i think whenever i am really tired, i start having very insane dreams. two nights ago, i was so tired i fell asleep on the fone while talking to aileen. that night i had a dream about fires and bongo-drum competitions. it was a little weird. i was in a fight i think, and the only way to save my life was to face off in a bongo drum competition. the guy would do a rhythm, and i would have to mimic it. the only one i remember was "i^ am^^^ sa^tay^". satay is a thai dish. i have no idea where that came from. then, i look out the window and i see this guy i know, but never really talked to, under all these logs that are on fire. i run out and lift up all the burning logs - why i never felt the heat or burning, i don't know - and i find him underneath. i say "are you okay? what are you trying to do?"

that's all i really remember.

last nite i was really tired also, and i had another strange dream. it was interesting because it was interrupted by an earthquake we had in san francisco last nite. 3.3 on the richter, but from someone that is from new jersey - that was very very scary. so ANYWAYS, i had a dream about several people who have really hurt me in the past. one was my ex-girlfriend and the other my ex-best friend. i can't really go into the details, but it was an emotionally twisted dream. my ex-girlfriend turned into this hoochie, where she was a model with a fiancee, and they were PDAing all over the place and my ex-best friend... well... it was a big fight but he was telling me how hurt he was too (which i think was the biggest concoction of it all) and i was moved. so i wanted to make amends with him, rather than my ex-gf because i was so disgusted with her, and then i woke up at 6:56 am. that seems to be the magical number for me whenever i wake up early. it's always 6:56 am.

driving to work this morning, i just ran through the scenes in my head over and over again... and it just got me thinking: man... people change so much and we don't even notice until it's too late.

you know, everytime a guy walks in, i'm not sure for girls because i don't do this in the girls section - but everytime a guy walks in the bathroom to go #2, i think it has got to be one of the most awkward experiences a guy ever has to feel. i'm talking about the bathrooms with no music, just silence. so imagine a men's bathroom with two toilet stalls... and try to figure out who feels more awkward... about-to-poo vs. started-to-poo. you decide.

the about-to-poo:
he walks in the bathroom with the true universal feeling - the urgency to go. all he hears is the occasional water drop and his footsteps. the first innate move is the check under the stalls - and look for the shoes dressed with ruffled pants. the footstep rhythm is broken as you hear the ceremonial cough - the started-to-poo letting you know that he's there too. so the about-to-poo enters the stall, does his habitual wiping the seat and whatever else he does (each man has his own habits), and proceeds to sit down.

the stated-to-poo:
everyone has their different styles. some like to go right away, others like to take their time and read a novel. no matter the case, they are relaxed and comfortable when they are alone. they can be themselves with no outside pressure. but what always lingers is the slight urge to go because someone else might walk in.
when someone actually does walk in, the whole routine starts up. they make sure their underwear isn't showing when their shoes are checked, they make some ruffled noise, or they can do the courtesy flush to mask their own sound and go as it flushes. but the whole time he is watching the feet of the invader just step closer and closer until it's next to him. they become lost in just observing. and then the rush starts.

enter the awkwardness, stage right, which cues "the stand-off", stage left.

"the stand-off"
to most normal guys, it's just embarrassing or gross to let someone else hear the 'plops' and little farts they let out when they go poo. having the runs or diarrhea is herculean compared to the normal stools. whenever you hear someone else fart (the universal joke), you can't help but laugh or chuckle or be disgusted. imagine having a huge huge fart - you can't help but laugh out loud or cry out loud. for some reason, it's just funny, no matter what age (unless you're really old). so this is the premise for (enter mysterious music... dum dum dummmmmm) "the stand-off".

so you have two guys sitting on their toilets, literally just sitting, for several minutes because they are either trying to let it out as slowly and smoothly and silently as possible or simply to scared to just go and is waiting for the other one to leave. it is a very scary and awkward feeling that i'm sure even boxers or dare-devils have gone through. your heart beats faster. you start to sweat and cringe from all the tremendous efforts your anus is going through. sometimes, you even start to shake. it's even possible you shake hard enough that you can't control your actions and just let it rip.
eventually, someone gives in or becomes successful enough to reach for the toilet paper. they make it loud enough to say "i give in... you win the standoff." then the flush comes, and when the flush comes, the winner either has the choice to either let it out since their noise is masked by the flush, or to just wait till they leave the bathroom entirely.

there are several other circumstances, such as the courtesy flush, the pee-er, and the third person waiting for a stall. but that's for another day. i'm at work and i should get back to work.

but the point is... unless you are a freak and memorize the shoes and pants the other person is wearing, nine out of ten times (especially if you are in a public place), you will never see them again... and even if you do, you won't even recognize them. so who cares? what's the point? the point is... guys are just stupid.

more quick facts:

increase of kcpc people who have created their own blog in october: 100%

increase of kcpc people who have created their own blog in november: 100%

increase of kcpc people who have created their own blog in january: 100%

increase of kcpc people who have created their own blog in februrary: 233.3%

increase of kcpc people who have created their own blog by the first week of march: 58%

percentage of kcpc people who have mentioned the phrase "GOD IS GOOD" or some derivative in their first couple posts: 60%

is this a case of the infamous "kcpc syndrome?"

quick facts:

on the 3/7/2002 posting, the word "i" was used:

15 times in 19 sentences.

my posting on 3/7/2002 is a very very very very bad example of writing.

geez. seems like everyone is having a birthday this week. my coworker, my coworker's cousin - who knows literally 10 people with the same birthday, another coworker is ordering flowers as i write this for a friend of hers, steve's bday, aileen's bday is tomorrow, michele's friends' birthday is today, geny kim's, becks an's, and the list grows.

now i know why july is a hot month - and it has nothing to do with the sun.

i have been reading other people's blogs a few times a day because i have had a lot of time to spare recently. it seems that everyone reads everyone else's except for mine. it's really hard not to care, but at the sametime, i am glad that people are not reading my thoughts because it helps me kept in check and stay true to this journal: to write for my own pleasures/memoirs/etc, and not for anyone else. when it really comes down to it, i'm the only one who is going to really care. who else would be reading archives except for me? hence: BLOG YOU!!! BLOG YOU ALL!!! if i had real huevos, i would put exactly what's on my mind - but i don't want to be remembered as a person with a dirty mouth.

with all these 'kcpc blogs', it's interesting to see how people's lives have progressed. it also has made me want to keep in touch with my old small group. georgia dave recently wrote in my guestbook, and yes, i do think about them alot. i'm curious to what they are up to. i feel that it is time for a reunion. i'm going to e-mail them right now.

work has got me down recently. granted, there isn't that much work to do, but i have been screwing up left and right with the work that i actually do. it has gotten me quite upset at myself. i need to take my work more seriously. i need to take life more seriously. i have been through way too much to even fancy the thought.

my company is a very cool company. i shouldn't really divulge in all the details since this is public record, but i just came back from a crazy trip from Lake Tahoe. We left on a Sunday morning and came back on a Monday evening. The coolest thing is that we paid 25 dollars for: lift ticket, food, lodging, and transportation. 25 dollars! also, we got monday off - and it didn't count as a vacation day or personal or sick day. it was just a "normal" 3-day weekend for me - while the rest of the country had work (and make more money than i do). but when do you ever get a chance to go partying with your boss, ceo, cso (chief scientific officer), and all the other upper management team? i mean... PARTY ... not just party.