what is today's date? i do not even know for it does not either relate, comply, or have anything to do with me anymore. the reason being i have been struck by the unemployment bug the past month now... and when you have no school or work or chores to do... the day of the week simply does not matter anymore. yet it is fair to say the end is near. i have, yet again, received another 'unofficial' offer from a biotech company in the bay area. it is a very impressive company in that it utilizes the human genome project and actually takes use out of it, leading the world in its newfound industry. i also have an interview with the famed, yet seemingly ill-fated genentech. i have often said that my life has been a series of wrong turns, always ending up in a place that is uncharted or off the map. a little over a month ago, i was destined to be a product marketer - and now i am going to be doing genomic research. guys never stop to ask for directions... the egotistical, chauvanistic types that i never thought i was. apparently, i never stopped either, and got myself lost yet again. sigh, another lesson learned the hard way. i don't know if i'll ever make it out alive. currently incubus has a song called "drive" out in the radio jumble and part of the song goes: "lately, i've beginning to find that i should be the one behind the wheel... whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be there..." and so on and so forth. and contrary to what the general public thinks, it's not a song about a woman or love - it's a song about controlling your own life rather than letting fear "take the wheel and steer." this song has given me a boost and outlook on my own in an ephemeral yet ethereal way. ephemeral because i don't particularly enjoy the song, and ethereal because while incubus writes that i should be behind the wheel ... maybe it's time to let God drive. if not drive, then at least navigate. the point being, i'm tired of sin or fear or shame or money or whatever it is rule my life and i desperately want God to take control again. desperation comes at a point when you have no where else to go, again proving that i am completely lost right now. i need to go and buy a map.