whenever jason and i go out somewhere, people have this tendency to think we are a gay couple. it's not that we act like a couple to each other, but it's because we happen to do things that seem like only couples would do. maybe it's because jason likes to do feminine things as well.

in any case, a few years ago back in pennsylvania, jason and i went to go eat at the macaroni grill after shopping at franklin mills. he ordered a salad with water, i had pasta and iced tea (clue #1). it's not the "gay" thing to do if you order salad or pasta with iced tea, but it is deifnitely not "masculine." as the stereotype goes, it was the "girly" thing to order the things we ate that nite. the second clue that tipped the waitress was when jason asked about the women's restroom. in the men's restroom, there was some weird quote or picture hanging inside so jason asked our waitress what it meant, commented how interesting it was, and asked if the women's restroom had one too. i guess you had to be there, but it seemed a little awkward to ask such questions especially with the way he phrased it. the third thing that probably confirmed the waitresses suspicions was when we fought over the check. it was quite ridiculous. we were squabbling over who would pay, and when the waitress came with our check, both of us were like "don't give it to him!" or "i'm the one who is paying!" or "jason! let me pay!!!" again, what couples would do. when we left the restaurant, the waitress told us "have a great weekend you two!!!" in the same voice when you tell people "aww... they look so cute together!." as we were walking out the door, jason remarked, "this is when i grab your ass."

needless to say, it was quite embarrassing. not to say being homosexual is embarrassing and trying very hard not to offend anyone since this is such a public place to post one's thoughts, but it was very embarrassing. it's even more embarrassing to admit that we've had not only one, but a few occassions where people thought we were a gay couple. yesterday was another situation that more than likely made people wonder... maybe even myself. maybe if you visualize it, it would be clearer.

INT, STONESTOWN MALL, EVENING

JASON and ANDY enter the mall. Jason is wearing business casual clothes, an off-white pair of dress pants with a beige polo short-sleeve shirt. Andy is wearing khaki shorts with a baby blue button down shirt, no socks, and loafers. The mall is crowded with people, mostly asian high schoolers who are just hanging around dressed either in all black or other trendy clothes.

JASON
Hmm... I think I'm craving some chocolate.

ANDY
Godiva is right there.

JASON
I don't have any cash on me right now.

ANDY
Dude, they take credit cards you know.

JASON
Do they?

ANDY
YES!

JASON
Okay then... Godiva it is.

Jason and Andy walk into Godiva Chocolates where they are immediately greeted by a SERVER, a young college aged female wearing a Godiva apron. The interior is decorated with expensive looking gold boxes with and give an ambience of aristocratic stature.

SERVER (smiling)
Hi, can I help you?

JASON (his voice goes up an octave, like it always does when he approaches strangers)
Yes, I wanted to get some assorted chocolates.

SERVER
Well, we have box sets around the store that you can look at or you can make your own box.

JASON
How much does it cost to create my own box?

SERVER
Well, prices range from how many pieces of chocolate you want. How much were you looking to spend today?

JASON
Um... around 10 dollars I guess.

SERVER
Okay, that will be around 8 pieces then. Is that okay? Okay... Now what would you like (Server shows Jason the display case)?

JASON
Um, fill it up with whatever you like. My only condition is that you include the chocolate dipped orange.

SERVER
Um..... okayyy.... do you like fruit?

JASON
Sure... just... fill it up with what you like.

SERVER
Okay... well... i like the fruit filled chocolates... do you like fruit?

JASON (throws up hands)
Yeah, I like fruit. Just whatever you like, I don't care.

SERVER
Oooh, you HAVE to try these chocolate clams.

JASON
Sure, okay. I'll get one of those.

The Server continues to fill up the box asking Jason with different types of fruit flavored chocolate.

ANDY (to himself)
Great. She probably thinks we're gay. Getting us all this fruit and clams - the aphrodesiac foods... the way we're both dressed in pastel colors... the way his voice is high... just great.

After a long while of asking what Jason likes or dislikes, the Server finally chooses the 8 chocolates.

SERVER
Would you like me to wrap this up for you?

JASON
No, that's okay. Just any box will do.

SERVER
Is this for you or for someone else.

JASON
It's for me... and us (pointing between Andy and himself).

ANDY (to himself)
Oh my gosh... now she for sure thinks we're a couple.

SERVER
Okay, so the total will be 14.83.

JASON
Why 14? I thought it was around 10.

SERVER
Well the chocolate dipped orange you wanted is 2.50 by itself and it's in it's own category, so I can't count that as part of your 8 choices.

JASON
Oh okay, that's fine. I'll charge it. By the way, you guys don't have any more chocolate covered strawberries, do you?

Andy has the urge to strangle Jason... but resists.

SERVER (convinced that they are gay, her voice changes to a more casual and comfortable tone)
No... we're sold out of those.

JASON
Yeah, they're really good. But they're really expensive!!!

SERVER
Yeah... they are. But OH MY GOSH, you guys HAVE to join our new Godiva club. You get to know when our really rare sales are, and like, even when they have sampling parties!!! It's like TOTALLY fun!

ANDY (to himself)
Okay... now she's treating us like we're a couple... she probably gets a bonus for signing people up... but still probably thinks we're a couple.

JASON
Sure, okay. Run the card through and in the meantime, I'll sign up.

SERVER
Okay, sure.

Jason signs the receipt, and gets the boxed chocolates in a large, bright, golden bag. The sort of bag you would find at a lingerie store. They walk out of the store.

SERVER (in the "aww they look so cute together" voice)
By you two!!!

INT, IN FRONT OF GODIVA STORE IN MALL, EVENING

ANDY
You know... she probably thinks we're gay.

JASON
I bet you she does.

Jason and Andy are cracking up. Jason has a loud unusual laugh and Andy has a high pitched laugh. They proceed to exit the mall, and the crowd see two guys wearing pastel colored clothes, one with a bright golden chocolate bag, giggling in a very odd way. Several people notice them - they stand out like a spaghetti stain on a white shirt.

JASON
Should I carry my bag up high like a purse and walk like this? (He starts to waddle)

ANDY
NO.