you know, everytime a guy walks in, i'm not sure for girls because i don't do this in the girls section - but everytime a guy walks in the bathroom to go #2, i think it has got to be one of the most awkward experiences a guy ever has to feel. i'm talking about the bathrooms with no music, just silence. so imagine a men's bathroom with two toilet stalls... and try to figure out who feels more awkward... about-to-poo vs. started-to-poo. you decide.

the about-to-poo:
he walks in the bathroom with the true universal feeling - the urgency to go. all he hears is the occasional water drop and his footsteps. the first innate move is the check under the stalls - and look for the shoes dressed with ruffled pants. the footstep rhythm is broken as you hear the ceremonial cough - the started-to-poo letting you know that he's there too. so the about-to-poo enters the stall, does his habitual wiping the seat and whatever else he does (each man has his own habits), and proceeds to sit down.

the stated-to-poo:
everyone has their different styles. some like to go right away, others like to take their time and read a novel. no matter the case, they are relaxed and comfortable when they are alone. they can be themselves with no outside pressure. but what always lingers is the slight urge to go because someone else might walk in.
when someone actually does walk in, the whole routine starts up. they make sure their underwear isn't showing when their shoes are checked, they make some ruffled noise, or they can do the courtesy flush to mask their own sound and go as it flushes. but the whole time he is watching the feet of the invader just step closer and closer until it's next to him. they become lost in just observing. and then the rush starts.

enter the awkwardness, stage right, which cues "the stand-off", stage left.

"the stand-off"
to most normal guys, it's just embarrassing or gross to let someone else hear the 'plops' and little farts they let out when they go poo. having the runs or diarrhea is herculean compared to the normal stools. whenever you hear someone else fart (the universal joke), you can't help but laugh or chuckle or be disgusted. imagine having a huge huge fart - you can't help but laugh out loud or cry out loud. for some reason, it's just funny, no matter what age (unless you're really old). so this is the premise for (enter mysterious music... dum dum dummmmmm) "the stand-off".

so you have two guys sitting on their toilets, literally just sitting, for several minutes because they are either trying to let it out as slowly and smoothly and silently as possible or simply to scared to just go and is waiting for the other one to leave. it is a very scary and awkward feeling that i'm sure even boxers or dare-devils have gone through. your heart beats faster. you start to sweat and cringe from all the tremendous efforts your anus is going through. sometimes, you even start to shake. it's even possible you shake hard enough that you can't control your actions and just let it rip.
eventually, someone gives in or becomes successful enough to reach for the toilet paper. they make it loud enough to say "i give in... you win the standoff." then the flush comes, and when the flush comes, the winner either has the choice to either let it out since their noise is masked by the flush, or to just wait till they leave the bathroom entirely.

there are several other circumstances, such as the courtesy flush, the pee-er, and the third person waiting for a stall. but that's for another day. i'm at work and i should get back to work.

but the point is... unless you are a freak and memorize the shoes and pants the other person is wearing, nine out of ten times (especially if you are in a public place), you will never see them again... and even if you do, you won't even recognize them. so who cares? what's the point? the point is... guys are just stupid.