my first spa experience cont'd...

i walk into the room, and it is a small room that is the size of a patient room in a doctor's office, complete with sink and bed. it is lit only by 3 candles, so it is quite dark. the music playing is some light music that you would hear in an album in the Discovery Store... very light and boring... obviously trying to be relaxing. the massage therapist (MT) told me that she will leave the room, which is when i should remove my robe (with nothing underneath), lie on the bed, and cover myself with a towel. she leaves the room, and i scramble like heck, because what if she comes back in while i'm still naked? i jump on the bed, face down, and cover my butt with the towel. i'm like a hostage trying to break free of his chains - frantically trying to get the towel to cover the important parts even though i can't see... all before the enemy comes back. the MT does, and my face is planted in those donut pillows. i have always wanted to try those things, and they are extremely comfortable.

so anyways, i still haven't really made eye contact with my MT, even when we were introduced because i was so nervous, so i didn't get a good chance to look at her (but i could tell she wasn't attractive, which they probably do on purpose for men). but i sure knew what her hands and forearms felt like... and she sure knew what my butt felt like.

woah there, let me back-up.

the type of massage i was getting is a swedish massage, but in the resort it was combined with aroma therapy oils. they called the 'senses swedish massage' because it was at the Senses Spa, and because they try to involve all your senses at once. so the MT put a lot of oil on her hands and started massaging my back. she asked if the pressure was okay, which it was, but didn't really work my knots like i wanted to. it's not a shiatsu or sports massage, but a pampering massage. a sensual massage... the type zoolander had. so yeah, of course, the only thoughts going through my head are: i really hope she doesn't massage my butt, i really hope she doesn't tickle me, and i really hope that i don't fart.

well, she eventually gets to my legs, and i really start getting nervous - hardly a relaxing experience. the way she was massaging my thighs was very soothing, to the point where i was holding my breath to hold in laughter. but she didn't stop there. she uncovered my left side, entirely, with the towel, then in one big motion, she went from my thigh to my butt, and she did it repeatedly. she spent a LOT of time massaging my butt, and not only did i feel uncomfortable, i kept telling myself that this was part of the routine. she was massaging hand-over-hand the bottom half of my gluteus maximus, and probably stayed there for a good 2 minutes. that is an eternity. so of course, my natural reaction is to flex my butt since i was so nervous, but then i kept telling myself, 'no - don't do that, just stay calm, relax, relax, i'm spending tons of money on this, relax, this is all part of the the routine, be mature, relax, be mature, this is a really expensive massage, relax.' my mind finally won out and i 'relaxed.' it still wasn't enjoyable, but it wasn't bad. my butt was so oiled up though, i could have slid on the ocean all the way to africa. (i found out later that aileen didn't get her butt massaged.)

then she moved to my calf and feet, and i was holding my breath even more. when she massaged the bottom of my feet, i couldn't hold it, and chuckled a little. 'you're a little ticklish, eh' she says. 'i'm REALLY ticklish.' i reply. she stopped massaging my feet and i let out a little sigh. she did the same thing on my other side. when she finished with my feet, i was hoping my 50 minutes was up. it wasn't. i had to turn over, and she would do exactly the same thing.

how did i turn over? she held up my towel that was high enough to cover her face, and told me to turn around. simple? not really since i almost fell off. nothing else was in my mind, but to prepare myself for her massaging my upper thighs. well, she again lifted half of the towel to expose an entire half, and i am SURE she saw some... well... some pubes. i don't think she could see the whole package, and that is what i'd like to think (she probably had to try hard if she wanted to anyways...). so yeah, she was massaging my upper thighs... and i was so sure that i would laugh (or cry)... but i didn't. it actually felt good, which kinda disturbed me.

then she oiled and scrubbed (gently) the bottom of my feet. i tried extremely hard to hold my laughter in, breathing in and out like i was running a mile, and finally, she covered my feet with a hot towel and it was over.

what if the MT was a man?