in atlanta, there is lenox mall where it is the equivalent to 5th avenue of new york or union square of san francisco... except it's in a mall. the mall has tiffany's, burberry, coach, louis vutton, and all these other stores that i have never heard of... except you know that they are super expensive by the huge guard at the door dressed in a very expensive suit, huge steel doors, and nobody in the store. the other noticeable thing is a salesperson will not even talk to you unless you look like someone of stature. i mean, i can ask all around for help and they will walk right past me. i've tried.

so to retaliate, i love going to those stores and acting like a snob, just so i can see how many salespeople will come to me and ask if they need help. i talk really loud and ask aileen questions like "hey... if you want something, just let me know." or "hey, that leather and fur louis vutton jacket looks pretty good... do you want it?"
walking out of burberry, there was a wall of all these purses and i say loudly to aileen, who is walking right next to me, "hey, do you want a purse?" the ears and heads of the sales people perk up and watch us, seeing if that young couple really means business.

is that asian dork with unbrushed hair, wrinkled shorts, and a polo shirt two sizes too big for him rich? does he really have money to burn? they will never know. or maybe they do already know, but i'd like to think they don't.

last weekend, i went inside a tumi store (for those of you who don't know tumi, it's a very expensive luggage and bag store... like super expensive crap). it went a little like this (and i didn't shave, my hair wasn't done, i was wearing wrinkled shorts... i looked bad):

"excuse me, do you carry business card organizers? i really need to get a new one."
"ah... wow, well you know in the other store we are connected with they do, but we don't. but you know, if you are really looking for a cheap place, just buy the sleeves, it's only $4.99. you can save a lot of money that way." this was the old lady's way of pushing me out the store.
"welllll... i need something to go on my desk in my office."
her eyes widen.
"ah...well let me show you what else we have! wait, is someone tending to you right now? like is someone helping you?"
"umm.. well..."
"it's okay, it doesn't matter. i love stealing customers."
she literally grabbed my arm and took me around the store. i felt very uncomfortable and had to break free of her grasp by maneuvering around a display stand and putting it between us.
"well, here we have very nice leather card holders... those over there are the sleeves i was talking about... but here, we have this really nice leather card organizers."
"ehh... it's a little too thin... i have a LOT of business cards... like a stack this big."
"oh really... well... you can get this leather card organizer and buy more inserts!"
the leather card organizer was pretty nice... it could probably hold 50 business cards... for $55.
"yeah... well i want it to be on my desk so i can search through it easily... you guys don't have rolodexes, do you?"
"rolodex?!?! um... you might want to try staples for stuff like that."
ooh... bad move. she was losing interest, i had to save it somehow.
"well, something LIKE a rolodex... but like a nice wood or mahagony box... "
i got her interest again.
"oh... well... no... sorry sir... but we DO have this nice notepad organizer where you can flip through notes! it's made out of silver!"
it was the most pointless thing i had ever seen. also, i found it funny she went from business cards to notepads.
"yeah...well i have tons of notepads with my name on them already. i definitely don't need more paper." the sad part is, i really do have notepads with my name on them. my company gave them to me.
"ah yes, of course. say, how come some young hotshot like you doesn't use those new blackberries or those cardscans for business cards?"
"ohh... yeah, well i have a palm that i use and my secretary has a cardscan machine, but i really like to have something physical. i guess i'm kind of old fashioned that way. but look, thanks for your help and do you mind if i look around your store a little bit?"
"oh not at all sir! my name is ______ if you ever need any assistance."
"thanks so much ma'am."

i looked around for a couple more minutes and aileen came to get me. she was at another women's clothing store this whole time, which is why i walked into the tumi to have some fun in the first place. i start doing my usual snob routine, "look, do you like this bag?"
"um... it's 300 dollars." aileen can be a little slow to catch on, even though we've done this many times.
"yeah, but do you want it? i can get it for you if you want."
"no... that's... okay."

the saleslady comes over and asks if we want to look at other things. we say no politely and leave. i know it's wrong of me to do, but hey, they're not selling anything anyway so why not make their day go faster.