one way i have changed is becoming more independent and sticking up for myself - letting my voice be heard. sotto voce to grande voce. well, not grande, but somewhere in between. (remember sotto voce from adam sandler's operaman skit on SNL? classic.) i think i wrote about being non-confrontational before... okay, yes, i did on 5.7.2001... almost exactly 2 years ago(btw, the "friend" is aileen). so basically, through aileen, i have become more confrontational. she always told me to speak up for myself more, and i think it's a characteristic that i really needed to develop. especially if i'm going to business school i guess. so i have been taking some bold moves out of my comfort zone to let it be known to strangers that i am pissed... be confrontational.

but lately, i think i have been taking it too far.

one thing that really irritates me are the drivers in california. people for some reason think they belong on the left lane of the freeway when they should either be on the right lane or taking the subway or bus. it really irritates me to know that traffic just starts because of slow drivers in the front of the pack. another thing that irritates me is how selfish drivers can be. last week, a person almost caused an accident with me because she didn't want to let me in her lane when another car was entering the freeway into my lane and not yielding. basically, i was on a collision course, and i needed to switch lanes really quick. i couldn't brake because another car was tailgating me, and if i breaked suddenly, there would be a rear-ending. this is on the 280, where the minimum speed limit is 80 mph. there was no way that i was going to slam on the brakes. i put my left turn signal on, and what does the car do in that lane? speed up of course, because they think that letting me in her lane will cause her to be late going to an appointment or something... when it's just one car. so i don't really have a choice because the car is coming really fast, so i just swerve into the lane anyways seriously missing hitting either car by like a few inches (i'm sure everyone has been in a situation like this before... two cars that are basically merging into one lane - but next to each other instead of behind or in front). the car that wouldn't let me in of course starts honking and cussing me off. i was extremely irate, so what did i do? i honked back to a car BEHIND me, and what's worse, i flicked them off. yes, i gave them the middle finger. my first time ever. i have never flicked anyone off before, well, maybe my friends in high school as a joke, but in a serious manner, never. for some strange reason afterwards, i felt that i should be proud. but honestly, it was not satisfying at all. first of all, my whole hand kind of hurt when i did it because my finger rarely stretches in that position, and second, i don't even like it that much. it's boring and it honestly doesn't really affect me when people do it to me. i just think it's funny. but yeah, needless to say, i was still angry after the incident and i think that flicking someone off didn't help at all. as a matter of fact, i felt really guilty. next time, i'm just gonna honk (a lot) and pretend to be cussing at them.

i told aileen about it, and of course, she was not pleased.

road rage... i never thought i'd have it, but i guess the jersey in me finally broke out.