last nite i had dinner with my father again. it was quite long and stimulating because he wanted to talk about my future (of course the usual MSG and tap water questions were asked, probably offending the owner). talking to him and seeing what he's accomplished while sacrificing so much for me just makes me want to be a better person. in college, i screwed up royal and now i'm paying for the consequences and i want to make it up to him. my goal now is to start taking business classes this summer and then apply to business school hopefully in the fall. while getting experience in the lab, knowing the ins and outs of the company, i hope to switch to the business side of biotech and from there, move up. my first priority is to get me and my family out of debt and second is to get an MBA. my father said he would pick up the tab for grad school, including books and tuition, and told me to buy a new computer today. i know that my family is under huge huge wraps because my sister is going to princeton, my educational loans, and the rest of his family he needs to take care of such as my grandmother. i don't want to accept his offer, but under my own financial conditions, i don't really have a choice.

currently, my grandmother is breathing through a tube that is attached to a hole in her throat because she cannot control her phlegm. she cannot speak and the only part of her body she has control of his her left hand, which she can only move a couple inches total. otherwise, she's just lying in bed and just... lying there. i wonder what she's thinking about or if she even enjoys life right now. one of my dad's older brothers is taking care of her day in and day out, and getting paid by the rest of his brothers to do it. he has to clean her diapers, feed her, talk to her, etc. knowing this depresses me because the next time i see my grandmother will probably be at her funeral. my sister, father, and mother will be visiting her in korea this summer and i probably can't go because i won't have enough vacation days that i can take off. to be honest, i'm not sure if i even want to see her in that condition because i know my guard will be let down and probably get emotional. so now i have a renewed sense of confidence in my future, a will and desire to do and be the best, and have once again been shamed and humbled my highly respectable and respected father.

this is what i learned in two and a half hours.