i have been reading every article that "The Sports Guy" has been publishing on espn.com's page 2, and it has given me even more of an inspiration to become a columnist. i mean, imagine just writing about crap and whatever is fun and getting paid for it. to me, this sounds like the dream job.

recent excerpts from bill simmons' column: (http://espn.go.com/page2/s/simmons/020426.html)

Q: I am a huge NFL fan and a huge gambling fan. The problem is the NFL only runs for five months a year. I don't follow basketball enough to gamble on it, and you can't gamble on baseball and hockey. So what do I do? What's there to gamble on? Am I missing something? Please advise.
-- Ben G, Ann Arbor, Mich.

Sports Guy: You desperately need a trip to the Holy Land (a k a, Vegas). Sounds like you're getting the shakes. Hey, we've all been there -- I haven't been to a casino in four months -- every time I hear the Foxwoods Casino song these days, my right eye starts twitching. But since my mom was a Boston College grad and I've had a gambling problem since the womb, I'm always figuring out ways to bet on things.

For instance, when I headed over to my father's house for the NFL draft Saturday, we needed something to keep our interest until the Patriots finally picked, so we played the Draft Game (works for any draft): When each team went on the clock, we tried to guess their choice. As an added wrinkle, we couldn't pick the same guy -- Dad picked first for No. 1, I picked first for No. 2, and so on -- so we would each be rooting for someone on every pick. Winner takes all: 20 bucks. I'm telling you, it was riveting stuff. Of course, Dad ended up winning, but only because he cheated with Detroit's first-rounder (but that's a story for another time).

Anyway, you can always come up with things to gamble on, especially if you're in college and you have the following scenario: "Multiple people, nothing to do." Here are some other gambling ideas:


1. "Madden 2002"
Cue it up, pick two teams, create a line for the game, pick sides, make a wager ... then have the computer play it out. Strangely absorbing, especially at 3 in the morning. Depending on your state of mind at the time, it can almost feel like a real NFL game. Almost.


2. "The Weakest Link"
Works best if you have a group of people that precisely match the number of contestants -- then everyone gets to pick one person. Let's say they're running a "Celebrity Edition" with disgraced celebs. You draw straws before the show to see who gets first pick ... then during the beginning of the show, when they're introducing everyone, you quickly hold your draft. And the draft could be more entertaining than anything else, just for when you have exchanges like this:


"I'll take Corey Feldman." "Dammit, I was gonna take him!"

Can you put a price on that kind of fun? I think not. Plus, if you have eight people throwing in $20 apiece ... well, you do the math. That adds a whole new level of excitement to the final round, doesn't it?


3. MTV's "Dismissed"
There are two segments during "Dismissed," so before the show starts, you divvy up the contestants; Person A gets the first person introduced in Segment One and the second person introduced in Segment Two; Person B gets the other two people. And you go from there. Just to make sure somebody wins money, you need to stagger this one -- Segment One is worth $50, Segment Two is worth $75 (or whatever you feel like wagering).

Two great things about this idea: First, when the contestants are introduced, it's more fun than humans should be allowed (you end up saying things like, "This is no fair! That's the second time this show that you got the chick with big guns!"). And second, you find yourself debating some of the strategies like you're Hubie Brown ("No! No! You cannot use the Timeout Card that soon! What is she thinking?").


4. Figure skating
Everyone picks a skater, throws in some cash and roots for everyone else's skaters to fall down. Good times.



5. The WWF "Royal Rumble"
I'm convinced they created this just for people with gambling problems. There are 30 entrants, so before the event starts, everyone draws numbers. If you have 10 people in the room, everyone gets three numbers between 1 and 30. If you have five people in the room, everyone gets six wrestlers. And so on. And when the Rumble starts, if you have pick No. 7, you get the seventh wrestler that runs out.

(Note: Not only is it easy to follow, even non-wrestling fans can enjoy this one. I already told this story, but back in college, we had a "Rumble" pool and my buddy JackO drew two scrubs -- like Haku and Tugboat -- and flipped out. Chairs were flying everywhere. All it was missing was Jim Ross screaming, "Good God, JackO has flipped out! My God, somebody stop him! This is insane!")


6. "Survivor" and "The Bachelor"
Any of these "Reality-TV shows that take place over an extended period of time and eventually have a single winner" work splendidly for gambling purposes. It's almost like picking the winner of the NCAA Tournament. You just need someone who can get the names of every contestant, then organize some sort of pool.

I mean, imagine the excitement during "The Bachelor" if you randomly ended up with Trista in the pool, then you found out she was a Miami Heat dancer in the first episode (you're locked in) ... then you worried that she doesn't like Alex the Ambiguously Gay Bachelor (you're locked out) ... then he goes out of his way to win her over (you're locked back in) ... then she confesses to him that she can't have orgasms during intercourse (uh-oh, baggage alert! you're locked out again) ... then it's down to the Final Two between Trista and The Chick With Big Boobs Who Was A Little Too Easy (you're locked back in). What a roller-coaster ride! And you won some money to boot.


7. SportsCenter Anchor "Catch Phrase Roulette"
This works a little like the "Price Is Right" showcase. Let's say you're watching the 2 a.m. "SportsCenter" and you see Steve Berthiaume. Well, you know "Say hello to my little friend!" is coming, you just don't know when. So you each pick a time: You might take 2:22, your buddy might take 2:38. Whoever gets closer wins the bet. Say hello to my little friend!


8. Golden Tee 2002
But hey, you knew this already. If you see an unattended "Golden Tee" at a bar and, within three minutes, you're not A) playing Skins, and B) gambling heavily ... well, we can't be friends. I'm serious. We need to go our separate ways.


9. Bowling, darts, shuffleboard, pool, mini-golf, etc.
Any of the sports from the Pseudo-Sports Decathlon (which still needs to happen) work perfectly for head-to-head gambling purposes. My favorite is probably bowling, which combines all the fun elements of Golden Tee -- the drama, the trash-talking, the skill -- with the added bonus that you get to rent shoes, pick bowling balls, make fun of everyone else in the bowling alley and actually display some (pseudo-)athleticism.