a typical atypical morning for me...

my car has broken down for the past week. i put fuel injector cleaner so i can HELP my car, but what happened instead was that i broke down. so with a broken car, my roommate has been accomdating my travels by picking me up and dropping me off at work. i'm really grateful for that. i tried fixing it and tried driving it this morning. it took me an extremely long time to get out of my block. the reason why i still tried to drive it to work is unbeknownst to me - but i think it had to do with the fact that i really had no other alternative and couldn't afford to miss work today. with several death-defying stunts (including jumping into a moving car to slam the emergency brake with my hand rather than my foot barely missing a concrete wall by a couple inches), i managed to get 1/2 way to work in almost 3x the time it usually takes me. i barely managed to get into a mechanic, and the estimated repairs are going to amount to around 400 dollars.

what is the point? the point is i need God.

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
-- Psalm 118:5 and 6

I feel that i have neglected my Lord so much lately and feel a huge burden of guilt and shame for disclosing my eyes and heart to the only direction where it should have been the whole time: upwards. My quiet times have been suffering immensely and proportionately, my attitude has also been suffering in parallel.

I also feel ashamed to the fact that i did not want to admit this to myself for the longest time. i did not want to post it on blogger because it IS public information, and i AM prideful. but i have to remind myself that i am not writing this for anyone else but for me...and that i needed to write this down and organize my thoughts. why i chose to write my journal online is a concept that people have trouble understanding. "why post online when you say you write for yourself?" i would often hear. where else can i write my thoughts anywhere in the world without carrying a single disk/pen/book?


anyways, my second point is that i am going to sell my car to the first buyer and get a new one. preferable a convertible, but not a nice one. just a convertible.