today i am going to write why i chose to leave kcpc... the church that has caused my heart to split in so many directions. if this offends any of you, then i'm sorry. and while i write as if i mention kcpc as a whole, this does not include every person. it is a generality.


since freshman year, i knew that i did not 'belong' at kcpc. my first sunday was pretty miserable where i really didn't talk to anyone. i have always been shy with new groups - and of course it doesn't help where everyone knows each other already. there were several dinners and movie outgoings that i heard about because of eavesdropping and it wasn't until my senior year where i felt 'included.' there are several class pictures (excluding events where it was churchwide, i.e. senior banquet) - and if you actually have any clue what i'm talking about, i don't show up in them until junior year. nobody really bothered to tell me. i definitely did not feel like i belonged to any group. i think most of it was attributed to the fact that i wasn't "korean" enough, i was from the east coast, and i wasn't very social. i tried fixing the non-social aspect of my life by joining the welcoming committee my freshman year and the transportation committee my sophomore year. that way, i HAD to know people.
feeling welcome at a church is always something i believed strongly in. so many people have turned away to kcpc because they didn't "fit in." if you look at the profile of kcpc - they are all essentially the same person. they talk the same, they act the same, they hang out only with the same people, you have to be just a certain 'type' of person. i can't exactly point my finger on what it is exactly, but it just can't be good. i believe that several freshmen choose kcpc just because it's the 'thing to do.' personally, i think that is one of the most pressing problems of today's church - particularly korean ones.
it has become more of a social place - not a spiritual one. one reason why i believe this is because i have met very few people who say they chose kcpc because they were changed spiritually. it has either been 'the people' or 'the praise team.' less than 10 people come out to the prayer meetings a week (whenever i went, at least) out of a congregation of over 200. people have started swearing in public (even small group leaders), people have become drunk during 'fellowship', and a lot more "scandalous" behavior that i cannot mention. of course i am definitely guilty, and that is not a quality that is exclusive to kcpc either. but i really don't know many other church congregations that would tolerate that kind of behavior.

another reason why i felt like i needed to leave kcpc - while attending first presbyterian recently, i ran into an acquaintance who used to attend kcpc. he didn't exactly 'fit in' because he was from the east coast as well. but he played basketball, and was always called to play after church and during the week. older people would tell him that they want him in his small group the following year just because he can play basketball. eventually, he stopped coming out because he too didn't feel like he belonged. i talked to him on occassion, and he became part of the 'asian-frat' crowd... getting into fights, smoking, etc. but when he chose to come back to church, he didn't choose kcpc. he chose first presbyterian. it was kcpc that became a reason why he stopped going to church. of course, the church itself that is a stupid reason to stop going to any church at all, but it should never be a factor in the first place.

this brings me to the main reason why i chose to leave kcpc. i want my friends to become christian as well. and if they come to kcpc and become treated the way i and several other newcomers have been treated, they will judge christianity as a whole. aileen told me she never wants to go to kcpc because of the exclusive society that she has to be a part of in order to be included. she goes to first presbyterian. my roommate has been interested in christianity recently - and going to kcpc would surely have turned him off. i used to tell my small group - "if you want to bring your friends to church, don't bring them here." they all agreed. so what i have asked myself so many times is, how can i go to a church where non-xians will feel excluded? and after four years of serving a church that has changed my life so much - i felt it was time to go.

i will write more about the positive aspects of kcpc later, because honestly, it's not a terrible church. you just have to be a certain way, a certain type, a certain 'ego.'