it has become quite an annoyance, losing two lengthy entries now. it deters me from writing anymore, coercing me back to the antiquated style and papyrus.

i wrote a lot earlier today, but it's so discouraging losing these entries, i'm just going to keep this one short.

so basically, i wanted to thank those who signed my guestbook, letting me know that they actually read my thoughts. i was very touched, and thank you very much. i just have to remember that i need to keep this blog solely for the procession of my own thoughts and conscience, and not to please the audience... not that i have anything against it, but yeah... hopefully, if people continue to read these random thoughts, they will learn from my experiences as a Christian and build from it - just as i am continuously building... buildling a knowledge that it is only God who does the growing, according to the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians.

yesterday was my last small group of college. what we did was drive to the original KCPC site on 50 northridge. we hopped the fence, alarmed some neighbors who thought we were a cult, because we were standing in a circle praying outloud and singing songs... it was a tight circle because it was very cold and windy. it saddens me that i probably will not get to worship along the scenic view that was once our home. what was really strange was the fact that everytime we started praying and singing praise songs, the winds would suddenly pick up. i honestly believe it was Satan trying to distract us from worshipping God, just as Satan tempted Jesus in the beginning of Matthew. and we stuck through it. we prayed through the wind gusts, and as soon as we were done praying (we prayed three times), the winds stopped to almost nil. when we finished singing our praise songs, the winds stopped to almost nil. it was really an interesting experience.

this past year's small group was arguably the best male small group of the year. we were very much so like a girl small group, because we were incredulously open with each other, sharing all of our difficulties as well as holding each other accountable and lifting each other up in prayer. our small group was notorious for lasting at least 3 to 4 hours every night. we start at 8:30, and end past midnite or 1 am. it was crazy. of course there would be some grumbling because it was getting late, but not one person ever fell asleep or got bored. we genuinely cared for each other, and were able to learn about family difficulties, friendships, God's Will, prayer, missions, and several other things that we each have gone through. it's amazing how much we can learn from just sharing and being there for each other. i honestly would not be surprised if my guys do not remember a single lesson. but i would certainly be surprised if we all forgot about each other and were curious at one time or another to see how we are doing. probably the biggest lesson i learned myself is our dire need for our Christian family.

Christ had his inner circle (John, Peter, James), Moses had Aaron, Adam had Eve, Paul and Timothy, the list goes on and on.

2 Tim. 5:9 writes something like "Come here as fast as you can" or something like that, i don't remember the exact quote (forgive me... please look it up, i'm too tired). It's when Paul is about to be executed, and he asks for Timothy to come quick for his moral support as a Christian brother. He even says it twice in the same chapter. Later on, he writes something like "Hurry up and come before winter". The point is, if Paul needed Timothy for reliance, how much more do we need our personal and close confidant?

so to my small group who has listened and shared their dark closet that is their heart...

thanks.


in ponderance, who is my wingman? more importantly, who is YOUR wingman?


for those familiar with the movie "Backdraft" or to those who went to senior retreat during spring break...
"i'll be your Bull, and that's no bull."

okay i'm going to copy and paste this entry before i lose it again.